"Get yore hands offe me motherfockerrrr. I've had it with thees wurld."

"HE'S HIS BEST FRIEND."

ANDDDDD

"HUHUHUH. EHEHEHEH. HAHUHUH." ****

***OVER 100 TIMES
 

grandma, to a 2 year old:

"if you don't put down that candy the LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER IS GOING TO SLAP YOU."

EXCUSE ME?

cayla

beating toddlers since 2009?

in other news:
getting married; underachieving in retail, scanning contraceptive devices and anusol trying not to laugh

My new job at the mall pharmacy gives me an insight into all walks of life. Drug addicts, drug dealers, drunks, the nouveau riche, middle class, unemployed, the near destitute, seniors, and weirdos.

Today, a lovely lady with a purchase of some NYC lip gloss (balllllllllllllllin') slaps it town on the counter triumphantly and turns away from her daughter to my coworker and I: "God, I can't wait until your aunt picks you  up so I can have a beer!"

*my coworker looks equally horrified*

"IS THE RECEIPT IN THE BAG OKAY?" run, don't walk away, kids!

equally horrifying, a mother dragging her six year old son around the store by his little arm, proclaiming to everyone that they were "SOOOOOOOOO LATE."

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

I will try to transcribe what I overheard on my way to call centre training. These two girls sat across from me..they were both about 14-15 and..not going to school? No backpacks, and I saw one later on my way home around 11:30 am. Okay, here goes.

Girl 1: "I so wanna punch Maria out."
Girl 2: "Why?"
Girl 1: "Well, y'know Holly's pregnant, right?"
Girl 2: "Ewww, she's younger than me. 13."
Girl 1: "Holly was like 2 months along and Maria was touching her belly and pinched her belly really hard and the baby died."*
Girl 2: Silence.
Girl 1: "Maria's pregnant too now. Hey check out my belt buckle.**
Girl 2: "Did you pretend to fill it with water?"
Girl 1: "No I put alcohol in it!"***

* What the fuck?
**It appears to hold a flask.
***She repeats this trick to another friend when I see her on the way home.

i live in sault ste marie now, photoessay to come on here or facebook..probably facebook due to my total lack of html knowledge or ambition to upload everything to photobucket!
1516 kms from momsy
673 kms from old place (rip, sanity!)
starbucks..nowhere to be found. i miss starbucks. k, outta here.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TOOOOOOOOOO FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

my life is officially a John Waters' movie. i would like someone to ghostwrite my memoirs at the tender age of (almost) 25.

so i just worked my seventh day in a row and much to my jubilation, i have one day off in eighteen (????) and i look forward using this sole day off to

- shower
- do laundry
-check facebook numerous times
- close popup windows
- run virus scans
- think about doing weights; forget about weights
- blow dry my hair
- find a new, safe place to live
- eat
- knit my scarf
- keep in touch with loved ones and relatives
- sleep
- moisturize
- wake up at all hours of the night to research: movie titles, van rentals, the battleship potemkin, the top 20 episodes of unsolved mysteries, the person who voiced cheer bear on the care bears, the length of the tv run of 'the mod squad', how many girlfriends jerry had in seinfeld, evidence that proves/refutes the existence of ogopogo, abraham lincoln's tomb*, abraham lincoln's children*, abraham lincoln*, conspiracy theories, truman capote's in cold blood, leni riefenstahl, acid house, shrunken heads, the 1987 macy's day parade with the castle greyskull model float, cocoa krispies, the freemasons
- pay my bills online (go tubes go!)
- remember to blow out candles
- remember to tune out insanity
- lend my roommate 40$

* yesterday

http://www.wherearemytoys.com/pandj/legacy/html/images/red_radish.jpg

yep

full on mental breakdown mode hangs by a thread. adding to my already fitful jubilation with this house i came home and saw a rodent run into my closet.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

packing this week, heading to northern ontario.

so my next day off is

AUGUST 19TH.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"We've all done it."

"Then YOU do it."

i am very close to going outside with a shovel and overturning the earth in my neighbours' gardens in a feverish search for my luggage.

"LUGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE?"

ridic. ridonk. it's day 1/11. the olympics have started but i can't get my brand new tv to work so it doesn't even matter. i look forward to taking over the tvs at work in the next 10 days.

after percolating in my room and tippityy tapping on facebook for the last year and a half it was inspiring to see some new posts in livejournal. i was just talking to tiffany about how facebook causes everyone to lose their personal censors. no, i don't want to see your 3-D sonogram - it looks like a sort of human made of ectoplasm and melted bronze. this is a far better outlet for some creative writing.

i worked maniacally and now my schedule is somewhat back to normal, working 4-5 shifts a week. sometimes i text camille feverishly with empty threats of quitting and allude to binge drinking but mostly i love my job and have seen a great deal of individuals come really far - amazingly exceptionally far. last night, the power went out and as it got progressively darker we had a strobe light party with the flashlight and i chased people around the apartment.

i'm on vacation starting tonight and on my walk home i found an adult metropass just lying in the middle of the sidewalk. thanks universe! it will help me in my capitalistic quest the next 2 days to get things together before i also venture off to chicago. jubilation doesn't even come close to describing how i feel. i hope the house doesn't burn down in my absence. i hope electricity is used sparingly. i hope the planet of the apes figurine in the pontiff hat  displayed behind glass in the living room greets me when i return.

............is in a world of sciatic nerve pain! YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will take a few breaths. i will go downstairs and light a cigarette and smoke it. i will come and crawl into bed and later today, when i awake, i will still be alive.
so will you.

i'm alive...

SO
I no longer work for complete insane psychos. Everyone within earshot knows the insaniacs I was working for/schlepping to Mississauga.
Presently I work for an organization that helps people with Autism/ASD and generally am a well-adjusted human being, or so I think. I miss everyone!

CAYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is it with me and crazy jobs/bosses? more to come..

psyching myself up mentally for a big fight (boss vs. bookkeeper vs. boss' mom). also, tentative fish and chips for lunch.
dave, turn around you forgot me!

my job is too insane for the English language. not enough adjectives exist but i'll try.
unprofessional
smoky
insane
indifferent
unreliable
irresponsible
scrimshaw