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The Room

"Get yore hands offe me motherfockerrrr. I've had it with thees wurld."





"quit it lady, you're scaring us."

grandma, to a 2 year old:

"if you don't put down that candy the LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER IS GOING TO SLAP YOU."



beating toddlers since 2009?

in other news:
getting married; underachieving in retail, scanning contraceptive devices and anusol trying not to laugh

Sault Diarrheas

My new job at the mall pharmacy gives me an insight into all walks of life. Drug addicts, drug dealers, drunks, the nouveau riche, middle class, unemployed, the near destitute, seniors, and weirdos.

Today, a lovely lady with a purchase of some NYC lip gloss (balllllllllllllllin') slaps it town on the counter triumphantly and turns away from her daughter to my coworker and I: "God, I can't wait until your aunt picks you  up so I can have a beer!"

*my coworker looks equally horrified*

"IS THE RECEIPT IN THE BAG OKAY?" run, don't walk away, kids!

equally horrifying, a mother dragging her six year old son around the store by his little arm, proclaiming to everyone that they were "SOOOOOOOOO LATE."


Sault Diaries

I will try to transcribe what I overheard on my way to call centre training. These two girls sat across from me..they were both about 14-15 and..not going to school? No backpacks, and I saw one later on my way home around 11:30 am. Okay, here goes.

Girl 1: "I so wanna punch Maria out."
Girl 2: "Why?"
Girl 1: "Well, y'know Holly's pregnant, right?"
Girl 2: "Ewww, she's younger than me. 13."
Girl 1: "Holly was like 2 months along and Maria was touching her belly and pinched her belly really hard and the baby died."*
Girl 2: Silence.
Girl 1: "Maria's pregnant too now. Hey check out my belt buckle.**
Girl 2: "Did you pretend to fill it with water?"
Girl 1: "No I put alcohol in it!"***

* What the fuck?
**It appears to hold a flask.
***She repeats this trick to another friend when I see her on the way home.

halllllloooooooooooooooooo intar web

i live in sault ste marie now, photoessay to come on here or facebook..probably facebook due to my total lack of html knowledge or ambition to upload everything to photobucket!
1516 kms from momsy
673 kms from old place (rip, sanity!)
starbucks..nowhere to be found. i miss starbucks. k, outta here.

Sep. 24th, 2008

my life is officially a John Waters' movie. i would like someone to ghostwrite my memoirs at the tender age of (almost) 25.

the most mysterious mystery

so i just worked my seventh day in a row and much to my jubilation, i have one day off in eighteen (????) and i look forward using this sole day off to

- shower
- do laundry
-check facebook numerous times
- close popup windows
- run virus scans
- think about doing weights; forget about weights
- blow dry my hair
- find a new, safe place to live
- eat
- knit my scarf
- keep in touch with loved ones and relatives
- sleep
- moisturize
- wake up at all hours of the night to research: movie titles, van rentals, the battleship potemkin, the top 20 episodes of unsolved mysteries, the person who voiced cheer bear on the care bears, the length of the tv run of 'the mod squad', how many girlfriends jerry had in seinfeld, evidence that proves/refutes the existence of ogopogo, abraham lincoln's tomb*, abraham lincoln's children*, abraham lincoln*, conspiracy theories, truman capote's in cold blood, leni riefenstahl, acid house, shrunken heads, the 1987 macy's day parade with the castle greyskull model float, cocoa krispies, the freemasons
- pay my bills online (go tubes go!)
- remember to blow out candles
- remember to tune out insanity
- lend my roommate 40$

* yesterday

for reference